Friday, January 30, 2009

Flattered and Happy

I have to say that I was totally blown away this morning when I logged on to my blog and found that I had 5 new comments on my adoption post! I love getting comments....it's kinda like getting an unexpected note in the mail from a very dear friend. I'm so flattered that so many of you took the time to read my extreamly long story.....thank you. A lot of your comments said how amazing you thought I was, or how brave I am, or how selfless I was to "give" this family a child. Those are all such nice things for you to say, and I'll admit that it feels good to get that kind of praise sometimes.....but there are a few things I wanna clear up. They aren't big things....and unless you are familiar with this side of adoption you would have no idea (maybe I'm just no good at taking a compliment).

First....I wouldn't say that I'm amazing. I know that I did a good thing, and yes it was gutwrenching (and still is).....but any of you parents out there know that if it's what is best for your child, you do it...no questions asked. So I guess in my eyes I'm not "amazing", I'm just a good mother (which I think is pretty great).

Second....just because this was the right choice for my situation and for "my" baby doesn't mean that it would be the right thing for other people. So I don't want it to sound like I look down on someone who didn't make the choice that I made.

Third....as I read back on my story I think I made it sound like I hate Gabe (which I don't but my brothers do) and that he's a creep (which he kind of is). Let me clarify a little. Most of you know him...and of what you all know he was a pretty nice guy right? He was never blatantly rude about anything...he just wan't there, and I needed him. I'm not going to say that I can hear his name without cringing or having imediate bad thoughts about the way he handled (or maybe didn't handle) the situation, but I look back at everything now and I'm so glad that he was such an ass. If he hadn't been then I think things would have turned out much different (I could be married to him...yikes), and Seth might not have the great life he has...and I wouldn't be as happy as I am. Everything works out.

The last thing I wanna say is that I didn't "give" this family a child....I placed my child with a family. I gave my baby the gift that every parent is supposed to be able to provide for their children. They way I look at it....I'm not so much a blessing to Kristi and Riley but they are a blessing to Seth and me (I know that adoptive parents see it the other way...that's one reason that adoption is so great).

So there you have it...I'm not amazing, I'm just a good mother (I think). Thanks again for all of your support though...I love that I feel like I have so many friends here (most of which I haven't seen in years), and I'm so glad that I can say anything and still have some support. You have all been so great!

Now on to the good news......Josh is finally home! I know you are all sick of hearing about it...but I missed him so much. He texted me yesterday at 1 saying that they had landed in Boise because of weather and that he wasn't sure when he would be home and then at 2 the door to my office opened and there he was! He lied to me about Boise but it was ok. I was just so glad to have him home. The rest of the day the dogs wouldn't leave his side. They wanted to be at his feet or snuggling with him all evening....I think they missed him.

4 comments:

Holly said...

I'm glad Josh made it back okay. I hate it when my hubby is gone! We really should plan a get together!

My Family said...

I actually would have to say that you are "BOTH", amazing and a good mother. Nothing in life is easy, it's all a matter of making the right choice, but you have to really know the "right" choice. In so many ways I can truly relate to your story and in other ways I cannot. It's never fair for a child to have a father that doesn't care or want to be invloved. (They never asked for that.) I'm not one to say how your future would have turned out if you did marry Gabe, but chances are it wouldn't have been a good choice for you or Seth.
I honestly can say I feel your pain when you said you "needed" him and he wasn't around. I'm having a hard enough time this pregnancy without Joe around, I couldn't have imagined how it would have been the "first" time without him there.

You truly are a strong woman!! Always keep your head up!

January 30, 2009 4:49 PM

The Eve's said...

Ok so I just wanted to tell you that your header is super cute!!! How do you make your blog all white and be able to do that? I have tried a million different ways and cant seem to figure it out.

Monica and Enrique said...

Thanks for sharing your story and later on your response. Beautifully written. I agree with your family that you are both amazing and a good mother.