Thursday, May 7, 2009

questions

so i got home from work last night and josh was on the phone to an old friend of his. they hadn't talked in forever so they were catching up. josh had told the friend that we were expecting and the friend told him congrats and then proceeded to tell my husband how much the first year sucks and how once the baby arrives, the husband is pretty much pushed to the side and forgotten by the wife (thanks "friend" awesome encouragement)!

after the phone conversation josh came into the bedroom where i was laying on the bed, and cuddled up next to me and started telling me about the conversation. he "jokingly" told me that if that was the way this was all gonna be then he had changed his mind about the baby. i tried to tell him that the first few months are gonna be really hard, and that it wasn't fair for him to think that all women would "forget" about their husbands once the baby came (i tell myself that i will NEVER be that woman). but is there some truth to the horror stories that people tell AFTER you are already pregnant?

i'm no idiot....i know that it's gonna be hard at times (it can't all be fun and games), i know there will be a lot of sleepless nights, and days when the baby just wants to cry and we won't know why, and i even know that there will be times when i want to give josh my full attention and something with the baby will come up and he may feel a little ignored. i'm ok with learning how to work through all that, but what about the men? is it really as hellish on them as all their friends tell them it will be? as the wife..what can i do to make sure josh doesn't feel like he isn't as important to me anymore?

if anyone has any advise or tips or anything i would love to hear it. i just really don't want josh to not love this part of our life, and i need to know what i can do to make it easier on him.

6 comments:

Shalee said...

I don't know much, but what I have learned two kids later is that you have to MAKE time to just be the two of you. Sometimes its ten minutes to sit and talk, sometimes its a date, but you have to remember how to be a couple and not just mom and dad. We have learned that early bedtimes for the kids are great, because it gives us a couple of solid hours to be alone together. Obviously, it doesn't always work, but when it does, it is so nice!! You are so right, it isn't easy, but being parents will bring you more joy than you ever could imagine!! (I'm off my soapbox now :)

Nichole Eve said...

The first few months are tough but me and jeff seemed to get through them just fine. There are times when you just want to pull your haur out but just try to keep him involved as much as possible. I decided to bottle feed rather then breast feed so jeff could have some time with the baby and he really enjoyed that. Just have him help you whenever he can. The best advice i got was that if a baby is crying they are either hungry, need their diaper changed, or are tired. And with brooklin that is very true. Whenever she cried i went down the list and by the end she was ok. Have a routine set. Try and get them to bed at around the same time at night. That way down the raod they know when bedtime is and you can relax. Good luck!!! All the hard work will pay off in the end!!

Jeremy and Genevieve said...

you know- its not near as bad as some people make it out to be. ya you're tired. ya the baby sometimes throws an unexpected curve ball. but really, at least for me, i still wanted to be with jeremy and relax with him so it was something we would just do. and one other thing i was told that i try and do, let the husband help out without you interfering. in the beginning, i would go to sleep when the baby went down at 7/8 and then when she would get up 3 hours later, jeremy would bring her in and i would feed her and then jeremy would take her and finish. change her, rock her, and put her back down. he really liked knowing that that was his time and he helped me out a ton. and once she was on the bottle at 2 months- he did the entire thing whether i was asleep or awake. he loved that time. and now- they wake up at the same time so he gets her up every morning and i think that that has helped him. but just enjoy your small moments together and make the most of them. and enjoy the down time with all 3 of you- its the best and some of my favorite memories!

Leslie said...

Ash,
Yes it is hard...and yes there are moments when you think "What were we thinking?" But at the same time, it is a new adventure that you go through together and as hard as it might be...you are doing it together and learning together and getting through day-by-day, together. It adds a whole new element for the love you have for each other and your little new one.

You guys will be great! Love you,
Les

Annalee Taylor said...

so, I just wanted to leave my two bits! I totally know what your saying in all this but really, from the sounds of you and joshes relationship you have nothing to worry about, if anything having this baby will only bring you closer. Its amazing how having a child makes you and him more one as a couple. Im sure there are days when the man feels left out, and there are definalty days when the wife does... i get a little jealous sometimes of the attention my son gets, but in all reality its about the 3 of us ultimatly. That it is the greatest feeling, I am so excited for you and josh and the baby, you two will be awesome parents. And really, those late nights and crying moments arent that bad... they just make you a stronger person. DONT WORRY! Youll be wonderful!

Jacob and Krista Flamm said...

You know I was afraid before I had my lil girl cuz everyone told us the same thing but we both honestly feel like she just brought us closer together. Yeah, there are rocky times in the first few months but when you're at home with a baby all day long, you really look forward to your man comin home and spending time with both of you. And you'll find that you'll appreciate him a lot more, and vice-versa, once you see how much work it takes. But make sure to involve him with the baby, like bottles and baths and stuff because then its about all three of you not just you and the baby. You'll find balance pretty quick, as long as you don't obsess over the baby. This baby will just bring you guys closer...so don't listen to everyone else.(sorry that was really long ;)