Friday, June 19, 2009

what do we do now?

WARNING: this post is just me rambling about some inner turmoil i'm experiencing at the moment...to some of you this may be stupid and you are entitled to that opinion, but if you do feel this way or have anything negative to say about this post please keep it to yourself, i'm feeling fragile at the moment and this IS important to me.

one of our dogs (alex) has taken a turn for the worst. we are so sad...and don't really know what to do.
a few months ago alex started having nosebleeds (weird for a dog right?). so we took him to the vet and they said that it was probably just the weather and rough housing with the other dogs. so we took him home thinking that this little problem would clear up within a week or two. we watched him closely and the nosebleeds became wrose, more frequent, and he seemed to have a hard time breathing...so we called the vet and they told us that we could bring him up for some x-rays. sure enough there is a large growth inside his nasal cavity! the vet said that it might be just an infection so she gave us some antibiotics, took a few cultures to send off for tests (to make sure its not a tumor), and sent us home. over the weekend his breathing got really bad, and when we heard back from the vet she didn't have good news......she said that the mass was for sure not an infection....but she didnt THINK it was a tumor...but that they didn't know for sure ($430 to tell us she didn't know....i was super upset)! so she said our next step would be to take him to BOISE to have some scopes and MRI's done (why they don't have access to those kinds of test here i have no idea).
so josh and i talked about it and we don't feel like it's worth it to spend all that money to take him to boise to get tests and all that because he's 14 years old...so when they found out what was wrong they most likely wouldn't operate anyways cuz his poor little body couldn't handle it...and if they decided that he could handle it who knows how much longer he's gonna be with us, and we just don't have that kind of money right now.
but at the same time this is joshs best friend...they have been toghether for half of joshs life...and alex has been the only one there (loving unconditionally) through all the crap that josh has been through in his life. we love this dog and we feel like awful pet owners not to do EVERYTHING in our power to make him feel better.
so this is what we have decided....since we don't have hundreds and hundreds of dollars (maybe more) to spend on alex we are just going to love him and try to make him as comfortable as possible for now...and if it gets to the point that he seems to really be suffering and hurting (because right now he's still acting pretty normal besides the breathing) then we will just know that its his time to go.
i'm crying as i write this because it breaks my heart to even think of not having al around when we get home (he was the first dog i ever really loved....dogs always scared me growing up)...and it REALLY breaks my heart to know of the pain that this kind of thing causes josh. i hate to see my husband hurting and know that there is nothing i can do to make him feel better.
so i start second guessing myself and wonder if this is really the right decision....maybe we should just bite the bullet and take him to boise and do everything...i mean he's part of the family...am i awful for thinking that wouldn't be "worth it"? do we end al's suffering now (i don't know how uncomforatble he is)? what do we do? i guess im not really asking this question out loud, these are just thoughts running through my over emotional brain....i'm just feeling a little lost.
we will get through this....i know that it's part of life, and a very real part of having a pet. it's just one of those things that never gets easier no matter how you look at the situation.

4 comments:

Josta said...

Ashley,
i am so sorry to hear that al is not doing to well :( that is heartbreaking. But he has had a great life and yes there is the surgery that you can do, but you are not ill hearted if you don't decide to have the surgery. Most dogs at the age of 14 wouldn't make it through the surgery.
Just spend as much time with him as you can love him and talk to him.
i hope he is doing okay!
my blessings are out for you, josh, stone and the doggies
-Josta

Chris & Stephanie said...

I am so sorry Ashley. I totally understand your feelings. My dogs are my family right now, and I could not imagine having to make that descision. I pray that you will have peace with what ever you guys decide.

hnoel said...

Oh hun, i hate to see this happen to you, its so hard to lose a pet. They are like a little extension of your heart :( I hope Josh is okay and i hope the best of this situation for you guys, you made the right decision and he will be so much better not having to endure any more pain. Love you <3

Brent & Ashlie Eborn said...

Oh Ash, I'm so sorry to hear about Alex! Poor little thing! I don't know what I would do in that situation-I know that has got to be the toughest call to be weighted on your shoulders. Your dogs are like your babies!! And damn the vets who charge you tons of cash and not know what's wrong!!! That's seriously not cool! I would love to tell you to come to Boise, (you'd have a place to stay!) but I know what ever you decide, it will be for the best! My little family's thoughts will be with you and Josh!
Much love,
Ash