yesterday

yesterday was a tough day, emotionally. nothing tough happened really...for the most part the day itself was easy. it was one of my days off (which i love), and stone and i had nothing that we had to go out and do. easy day in the making right? stone usually doesn't wake up till around 8 (heaven for me) but yesterday he happened to get up at 7...(oh boo hoo right? most kids are up at 6). and that was ok. we got up and had breakfast and i was out of the shower and ready for the day by 10...that doesn't happen unless i make an effort to get up before stone does....bonus points for me! but since my favorite boy turned 3 he hasn't been minding or listening so well which i know is about par for most 3 year olds.....they have to learn to do those things...they don't just come here knowing how (flaw in the system...they should either come knowing how to act or come with a manual telling us how to train them. haha). anyways i wanted to make a quick trip to target to find a little gift for my cute little nephew who is turning one this week and run to wal mart to pick up 3 things that i needed to make dinner (white chicken chili...perfect fall/ winter meal). well stone wasn't having it. he didn't want to get dressed or go potty and he was whining and crying about everything so i knew a trip to the store right then was out of the question and i figured he was tired so instead we got our sweats on and i told him that until he was ready to speak nicer and do as i asked we were just going to rock in his room. we rocked, i sang, he asked me questions (now looking back that was the awesome part of my day) and then fighting it he fell asleep. early nap for him and instead of doing housework like i should have i laid down again too. call me lazy but i think i needed the time to recheck my attitude and try to be in a better mood myself. we woke up at 1, had lunch, and then stone was willing to get dressed to go to town. both our moods were better. we got to target and because he asked so sweetly i bough him a churro to eat while we wandered (i wander when i shop, especially at target). we found a gift for my nephew and a christmas gift for my niece...first christmas gift! on sale! score! then stone informed me that he wet his pants. good mood down the drain. he's potty trained day and night. he's told me many times in town before when he needed to go and we always do but this time he decided to wet his pants. i tried to be ok about it....we calmly checked out and then lucky for us i had an extra change of pants in my bag so we changed and after that he didn't want to mind or be nice so i went back to having to say no and raise my voice the rest of the night. even at bed time we wouldn't mind so i told him it was straight to bed with no rocking or singing (we do that at night) so i closed his door to him saying "mama i need you". it broke my heart but i knew i had to stand my ground. after that i lost it. i cried that all day long i told my boy no, and raised my voice, and i'm sure made him feel badly. i know he needs discipline.....and i know that in comparison to a lot of children mine is an easy angel. and i know he won't remember the "no days". but i feel like maybe i need to go about it differently...or maybe pregnancy hormones just got the best of me yesterday....i just ended the day feeling like a failure....and not because of my child...because of me. i felt very disappointed in myself. and if one day got me feeling like this how am i going to be a stay at home mom full time with two kiddos?