i love him

ok..i love the puppy too (even if he did tear my copy of eclipse apart), but i'm talking about my hubby. this picture was taken while we were putting our crib together, and when i look at it i can't help but feel soooooo lucky that i have him in my life. here are just a few reasons that i love josh:

• he's loving
• he's silly (always making me laugh)
• he's real
• he's understanding
• he's helpful
• he's passionate
• he's smart
• he plays the guitar
• he can sing
• he's patient
• he's sweet
• he's fun
• he's handsome
• he loves animals
• he's excited to help me with baby stuff
• he comes in to kiss me goodbye every morning before he goes to work (even when i'm still asleep)

i could go on and on but i won't. i just want my amazing husband to know how much i love him!

what do we do now?

WARNING: this post is just me rambling about some inner turmoil i'm experiencing at the moment...to some of you this may be stupid and you are entitled to that opinion, but if you do feel this way or have anything negative to say about this post please keep it to yourself, i'm feeling fragile at the moment and this IS important to me.

one of our dogs (alex) has taken a turn for the worst. we are so sad...and don't really know what to do.
a few months ago alex started having nosebleeds (weird for a dog right?). so we took him to the vet and they said that it was probably just the weather and rough housing with the other dogs. so we took him home thinking that this little problem would clear up within a week or two. we watched him closely and the nosebleeds became wrose, more frequent, and he seemed to have a hard time breathing...so we called the vet and they told us that we could bring him up for some x-rays. sure enough there is a large growth inside his nasal cavity! the vet said that it might be just an infection so she gave us some antibiotics, took a few cultures to send off for tests (to make sure its not a tumor), and sent us home. over the weekend his breathing got really bad, and when we heard back from the vet she didn't have good news......she said that the mass was for sure not an infection....but she didnt THINK it was a tumor...but that they didn't know for sure ($430 to tell us she didn't know....i was super upset)! so she said our next step would be to take him to BOISE to have some scopes and MRI's done (why they don't have access to those kinds of test here i have no idea).
so josh and i talked about it and we don't feel like it's worth it to spend all that money to take him to boise to get tests and all that because he's 14 years old...so when they found out what was wrong they most likely wouldn't operate anyways cuz his poor little body couldn't handle it...and if they decided that he could handle it who knows how much longer he's gonna be with us, and we just don't have that kind of money right now.
but at the same time this is joshs best friend...they have been toghether for half of joshs life...and alex has been the only one there (loving unconditionally) through all the crap that josh has been through in his life. we love this dog and we feel like awful pet owners not to do EVERYTHING in our power to make him feel better.
so this is what we have decided....since we don't have hundreds and hundreds of dollars (maybe more) to spend on alex we are just going to love him and try to make him as comfortable as possible for now...and if it gets to the point that he seems to really be suffering and hurting (because right now he's still acting pretty normal besides the breathing) then we will just know that its his time to go.
i'm crying as i write this because it breaks my heart to even think of not having al around when we get home (he was the first dog i ever really loved....dogs always scared me growing up)...and it REALLY breaks my heart to know of the pain that this kind of thing causes josh. i hate to see my husband hurting and know that there is nothing i can do to make him feel better.
so i start second guessing myself and wonder if this is really the right decision....maybe we should just bite the bullet and take him to boise and do everything...i mean he's part of the family...am i awful for thinking that wouldn't be "worth it"? do we end al's suffering now (i don't know how uncomforatble he is)? what do we do? i guess im not really asking this question out loud, these are just thoughts running through my over emotional brain....i'm just feeling a little lost.
we will get through this....i know that it's part of life, and a very real part of having a pet. it's just one of those things that never gets easier no matter how you look at the situation.

birthday party

joshs birthday party was a lot fun. we got both families together at joshs moms house and had great food (what better kind of party is there?). after dinner we took josh out to the driveway to show him his big birthday suprise (no it wasn't a car...), it was set up in the back of my dads truck (josh and our little neice mya in the new chair)

it was a new recliner! our old chair was so worn out and falling apart (it was a well loved chair), that i decided josh needed a new one. everyone pitched in and that was his birthday. it's a really nice lay-z-boy and josh was so suprised!

we went back in the house and had cake and ice cream (of course josh had to blow out his "30" birthday candles). (doesn't josh look super excited to be 30?) (thats better)

it was a great evening, and i think even though josh turned 30 he still had fun.

dustin hauled the chair to our house for us and we got it all set up (this is me wearing a headlamp and putting the chair together..haha)

so that josh could enjoy it for a few minuets before we went to bed. happy birthday babe! i hope it was a great one!!!!

the big 3-0

today my sweet hubby is 30 years old! he's a little depressed about it (he thinks 30 is old), but i love it! i love that i have a husband who is mature (most of the time) and responsible. i love that he has a career and knows how to be a hard worker, i love that he has been places, seen things, and experienced a lot of things that life has to offer, i love that he can be random and spontanious, i love that he is pasionate about the things that he loves (golf, music, baseball, basketball, family, me, ect..), i love that he is a fantastic husband, and i love that he loves me!

we have a little family birthday party tonight at josh's moms house, and both families are going to be there. we have planned a little suprise for josh and i think he is going to love it!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE! I LOVE YOU!

new store manager

my hard working, amazing, fantastic husband just informed me that he was awarded NEW STORE MANAGER OF THE YEAR! i'm so proud of him! he's on his way home right now...an i can't wait to see him! congrats on all your hard work baby!

jet setter

josh is out of town again! it seems like he was just in dallas and now he's in spokane. he will be back thursday, so it's not a long trip, but i still miss him like crazy! life is just so much better when he's around.

all about him

i saw this tag on another blog and i thought it looked kinda fun. it makes me think of the fun little things about my hubby that i sometimes forget to remember. so here is my hubby tag:

yes we are cheesy but i LOVE him

1. He's sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen? sports (basketball, baseball, or golf), espn, an action movie, or a video game

2. You're out to eat, what kind of dressing does he get on his salad? he doesn't usually get salads but when he does its a ceasar....so whatever dressing comes on that

3. What's one food he doesn't like? tomatoes

4. You go out to eat, what does he order to drink? if it's a place with "good pepsi" then pepsi...if not then its water with a lemon

5. Where did he go to high school? skyline, hillcrest, and i think IF....he moved around a lot

6. What size shoe does he wear? 10 1/2

7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be? Michael Jordan shoes or guitars

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich? plain. bread, meat, and cheese....no butter..no mayo....just plain

9. What would this person eat every day if he could? steak and potatoes

10. What is his favorite cereal? life

11. What would he never wear? he isn't too picky...but i don't think he would ever wear a sweater vest...and im pretty sure that he wouldn't be caught dead in anything pink

12. What is his favorite sports team? basketball: jazz baseball: braves

13. Who did he vote for? mcain

14. Who is his best friend? other than me? jeremy is his best friend that doesn't live here jarom is his best friend that does

15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do? refold clothes after he has already folded them...i know...i'm terrible

16. What is his heritage? not really sure....swedish?

17. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind of cake? he likes ice cream cakes...so i would just buy him one...but if i had to make it..it would be chocolate

18. Did he play sports in high school? baseball

19. What could he spend hours doing? golfing

20. What are a few of his talents? he can cook, plays the guitar, can sing, is a fantastic husband, and a GREAT people person

21. He's listening to his mp3 player...what's playing? pearl jam

22. Who do you tag? holly, natalie, ashlie, and anyone else who wants to dish about their hubbys.

I Love Him

I love my husband every day...but the last few days I've loved him even more than the day we got married (odd how that happens). He is so great to me. Here are a few of the things that I love about him and our life together.

(this picture was take just before we got married. I'm not a ball player by any means but I love this shot of Josh....you can totally see his love for the game)

• I know this might not sound like much...but every morning he wakes up long before I do and every morning he comes into the bedroom before he leaves and wakes me up so that he can give me a kiss and tell me he loves me (even if I'm barely awake enough to mutter that I love him too)...I love that part of my day.


• He texts me throughout the day to tell me how much he loves me and to see if I'm having a great day.


• He always tells me how much he appreciates me.


• He makes me want to be a better person.


• He makes sure that I have everything I need (and want) to be happy.


• He puts up with my crankyness and moodiness (poor guy).


• He makes dinner for me a lot more than I do for him.


• He opens my eyes to new things (music I never thought I would like (like pearl jam and modest mouse), movies I never thought I would see (star wars), places I never thought I would go (florida and denver) things I never thought I would do (golf))


• He is such a hard worker and is good at his job


• He rarely gets mad at me...even when I deserve it


• He is a great friend to our friends


• He is so much fun.


• He lovingly makes fun of me and I pretend to be mad but I'm really not

There are so many other things that I love...but those are just a few. I love you Josh!

Flattered and Happy

I have to say that I was totally blown away this morning when I logged on to my blog and found that I had 5 new comments on my adoption post! I love getting comments....it's kinda like getting an unexpected note in the mail from a very dear friend. I'm so flattered that so many of you took the time to read my extreamly long story.....thank you. A lot of your comments said how amazing you thought I was, or how brave I am, or how selfless I was to "give" this family a child. Those are all such nice things for you to say, and I'll admit that it feels good to get that kind of praise sometimes.....but there are a few things I wanna clear up. They aren't big things....and unless you are familiar with this side of adoption you would have no idea (maybe I'm just no good at taking a compliment).

First....I wouldn't say that I'm amazing. I know that I did a good thing, and yes it was gutwrenching (and still is).....but any of you parents out there know that if it's what is best for your child, you do it...no questions asked. So I guess in my eyes I'm not "amazing", I'm just a good mother (which I think is pretty great).

Second....just because this was the right choice for my situation and for "my" baby doesn't mean that it would be the right thing for other people. So I don't want it to sound like I look down on someone who didn't make the choice that I made.

Third....as I read back on my story I think I made it sound like I hate Gabe (which I don't but my brothers do) and that he's a creep (which he kind of is). Let me clarify a little. Most of you know him...and of what you all know he was a pretty nice guy right? He was never blatantly rude about anything...he just wan't there, and I needed him. I'm not going to say that I can hear his name without cringing or having imediate bad thoughts about the way he handled (or maybe didn't handle) the situation, but I look back at everything now and I'm so glad that he was such an ass. If he hadn't been then I think things would have turned out much different (I could be married to him...yikes), and Seth might not have the great life he has...and I wouldn't be as happy as I am. Everything works out.

The last thing I wanna say is that I didn't "give" this family a child....I placed my child with a family. I gave my baby the gift that every parent is supposed to be able to provide for their children. They way I look at it....I'm not so much a blessing to Kristi and Riley but they are a blessing to Seth and me (I know that adoptive parents see it the other way...that's one reason that adoption is so great).

So there you have it...I'm not amazing, I'm just a good mother (I think). Thanks again for all of your support though...I love that I feel like I have so many friends here (most of which I haven't seen in years), and I'm so glad that I can say anything and still have some support. You have all been so great!

Now on to the good news......Josh is finally home! I know you are all sick of hearing about it...but I missed him so much. He texted me yesterday at 1 saying that they had landed in Boise because of weather and that he wasn't sure when he would be home and then at 2 the door to my office opened and there he was! He lied to me about Boise but it was ok. I was just so glad to have him home. The rest of the day the dogs wouldn't leave his side. They wanted to be at his feet or snuggling with him all evening....I think they missed him.

On His Way

Josh is on his way home! He is in the air as we speak...heading to Denver. Lets just hope the weather is decent enough that there aren't any delays or accidents or anything. I'm so excited to see him!
It sounds like he had a pretty good trip...but he said he is excited to be home.
I know that I sound like a high school chick that hasn't seen her boyfriend for a few days....but I CAN'T WAIT!

My Poor Hubby

Josh had a rough day yesterday...and as of this morning it didn't sound like today was going to be much better. He was scheduled to fly out of IF yesterday at 7:00 am, so he got up and was ready to leave by about 5:30 and then he noticed that he had a message on his phone. It was the airline telling him that his flight had been canceled. So he got another flight booked for 1:30 in the afternoon. We got to have lunch together (which was nice....I love getting to see josh in the middle of the day)...and then he texted me at 3 saying that he was still waiting for his flight (Josh doesn't like to wait)...then again at 5 saying that he was just boarding! He had a layover in Denver so he called me when he got there at 7 saying that he was missing all of the opening ceremony stuff in Dallas (which as I've heard is the most fun part of the trip) and he was tired and pissed off. The layover in Denver wasn't long and he was on the next plane by 8. He finally got to Dallas at about 10 (11 there) but his luggage didn't (this is one of my biggest fears about flying...I'm not scared about plummeting to my death...just losing my stuff)! He had to sleep in what he was wearing (which is enough to make anyone have a crappy night), and this morning he still has nothing to wear to his meetings! His roommate is a friend of his and is luckily about the same size...so the friend was nice enough to lend Josh a shirt and maybe a pair of pants. So my poor, sweet husband is having a bad trip so far. I hope it gets better for him. I hate not being able to be there to help him when he's upset...or at least give him a kiss and a hug.

On a brighter note...we got Alex to the vet yesterday and it looks like he is just fine. The vet said that it was just a little episode and that when dogs get old stuff like this can happen. We just need to keep an eye on him. Also..I went to the gym last night and walked/ jogged for about 45 min! Good for me! Now lets see if I can keep it up.

Cabo Here We Come!

Ok...so Sherwin Williams has this incentive program. Any store manager who's store meets and exceeds certain goals during the year gets to become part of what they call "The Presidents Club". What this means is that those managers and their spouses or significant others gets to go on a fabulous trip! Last year they all went to the Bahamas, this year it's Cabo. Not only do they pay for the flight, suite, and food....they also give everyone their choice of two activities (ex. golf, snorkeling, etc.), and like 300 bucks spending money!

Well every year in the past when Josh was asst. manager in the IF store he did all of the work (the manager was a lazy putz) and was never eligible for the trip. This year since he's the manager he's been working his butt off to make his goals....and yesterday he called and told me that we are going to Cabo!

I'm so proud of him! He has taken a brand new store...in a new town and made it great! He's such a hard worker, and a great manager. So I would just like to tell him....Good job baby! I Love You!

Cabo here we come!!!!

Safe and Sound

Josh got home safe and sound last night at about 11:10 pm! I feel much better when my amazing hubby is home.

He's Leaving

It's not a big deal...but Josh is leaving me for a few days for a business trip. Now that he's a manager he has to go on a lot more business trips than he did last year (come to think of it, I don't think he went on more than one a year before). I miss him like crazy every time he leaves, I know that I'm gonna have to get used to it, but I always worry that something is going to happen to him, and I get lonely...I'm not the wife that likes her time alone, I'm much more happy and comfortable when he's around. I hate going home to an empty house knowing that I'll be there alone for a few days. Anyways, he's leaving tomorrow morning to fly to spokane and then they are driving to priest lake. He will be there until Thursday night and then he flys in late. It's only a few days but I'm gonna miss him.

On a more happy note...we had a nice weekend, low key and relaxing. Friday night Amanda, Jackson, Josh, and I went over to Harley Davidson (not to get a bike :() to listen to Kevins band (Josh will soon be joining them) play. They are such a good band and I get proud when I see Kevin up there rocking out on his drums (he's such a great drummer, and it's gonna be fun to see Johs up there rocking his guitar) and then the four of us went to Brownstone (yum) for dinner. We all had a good time talking and laughing and hanging out. Saturday was pretty low key...Josh went golfing in the afternoon and then took me on a date later than night (nothing big...just shopping and dinner) and then we came home and was lazy. Sunday we borrowed a friends clubs and Josh took me golfing! I'm still no good...but I think Im getting a little better. I love spending alone time with Josh! So that was our weekend...and now It's a new week and Josh has to leave...poor me.

29th Birthday!

So yesterday was Josh's 29th Birthday! We had a great weekend with all three of our families. Since Josh's parents are divorced we have two parties for his family...and one for mine. So that is 3 parties in 2 days! On saturday we decided to get out the grill and have tons of good food and Josh wanted to watch the Jazz playoffs.
We had Kim and Robb (Josh's sister and her hubby) over, and Josh's dad and his Grandma, and my mom also came down because all of my brothers and my dad were in Utah watching my brother compete in a trials competition (he took first place...congrats Shaun!) So we all got together around 6 and started grilling and the game came on at about 7:30. We had a great time with really great food (Plus the Jazz won...great day!). Yesterday Josh's mom invited us over for Josh's favorite meal for lunch so we hung out there with Kim and Robb and Ron and Patti for a few hours. We had great food (Ptti is and excelent cook) and just chatted. Then after that my family came down and spent the evening with us at our place. We opened gifts, had cake, and spent time together. All in all it was a fun weekend, and me..being the idot that I am, didn't take any pitures (ok I lied....I did take 2, and neither of them turned out), so I have no great pictures to go along with the post...except the ones that I took from the internet. Happy 29th Birthday baby! I

So Proud

Saturday was the grand opening for Josh's new store! It's been open since January, but for some reason the grand openings weren't scheduled until thie last week. Thursday was the grand opening for the contractors, and Saturday was for retail. We spent about 500 bucks at Sams Club for all the food and drinks, and it's ALL gone! I went up on Saturday to help flip burgers and keep the food coming for all those hungry painters...it was a BIG job! But at the end of the day the store had brought in $20,000, which is the best that any store in the whole district has ever done on grand opening day! I'm so proud of my hubby for getting everything put together, and pulling through. He is such a great manager, and I'm so proud of him for being such a hard worker. Love you baby!

Josh is on his way home!

Josh is on a plane home as we speak! I just talked to him and he was boarding his second flight in Denver and he will be home in about an hour and a half! yay! He had a good time in Dallas, but he's super excited to be coming home. They stayed at the Hilton in Dallas, and from what I hear, it was BEAUTIFUL! Josh's week was spent in meetings....long meetings, but he learned a lot and he was there with a few people that we know and like, so it coulda been a lot worse. He has to go to Clevland in 2 weeks :( so I'll just have to enjoy him that much more while he's here. I love my hubby and I'm so glad that he's coming home!

I already miss him

ok...let me just say that i know most women...or people in general don't mind it when their husband/wife/or significant other goes out of town for a few days...in fact most people look forward to it. it's a time to do whatever you want without worring about the other person and what they want to do...right? well not for me. josh has to go to dallas for business meetings this week, so i took him to the airport this morning at 6:30 and then went back home to finish getting ready for work...and as soon as i walked in the door i missed him. i know that im a wuss...but i HATE being alone....im not a fan of alone time...he's only gonna be gone for like 4 days..but to me that feels like FOREVER. sure i have stuff to do at home, and its not that im scared to be by myself...i guess i just hate being without him. so now that i have let the entire world know how pathetic and sad i am...i'll just say i miss you baby!

My Husband is the Best!

I know they drive us crazy sometimes....and I know we sometimes tend to bitch about them more than we give them credit for all of the wonderful things that they do. I just wanna say that my hubby is sooo great! I know that gifts don't matter, but for Christmas Josh really put thought into it. I really felt like he was thinking about ME when he went shopping and not just going through a list in his head of what I said I wanted. For instance...I had never mentioned that I wanted a camera but I had said once that I never had a camera of my own...and that I had always wanted one....well that must have stuck in his mind becuase he got me one for christmas! I know that might not sound "thoughtful" but to me it really was becuase he looked deeper than just what I said I wanted. I like to be suprised on Christmas and he does such a good job making sure that I am. I guess I just wanted to brag a little.

Josh's First Day!

Today is Josh's first day at his new job. He was up at 5:45 this morning and out the door by 6:15. He had to drive to Rexburg on the snowy, slick roads and I was worried (he got there safely). The store won't be open until the 31st and he has a lot of work to do to make that happen, but he is excited, and can't wait to start up in his new store with a new crew. For those of you who don't know...my hubby just got the manager position in the new Rexburg Sherwin Williams! He has been the asst. manager in IF for about 9 years now, and he is SOOO ready for the new challenges and opportunities that this position will open up for him. Gongrats to my hubby....I love you!