Tuesday, February 2, 2010
back to work
well i'm back to work...and it's not easy being away from my little one. i thought that after 13 weeks i would be more than ready to come back. i knew that i would miss stone like crazy, but i wasn't prepared for the guilt that comes with going back to work. i've decided that it's kind of a "damned if you do damned if you don't" situation. i feel guilty for not spending every day with stone, but if i didn't come back to work i would feel guilty for not bringing in some money to help get into the new house and to help out with bills. i feel so good knowing that stone is with family every day and that i don't have to drop him at a day care, and i also feel good knowing that i have every evening and every weekend with him. i know that some of these feelings will pass, and i know that this is all just part of the choices that i've made...but i need to complain about it anyways...because it feels like my heart has been ripped in half. i'll get it put back together tho...stone will be fine, and im sure this will make him a very adaptable child..and it will make him close to other family members. i just need to toughen up...
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3 comments:
thats so hard. i'm sorry that your back to work already! even though madilyn comes to work with me, i have had this same debate with myself many times. i want to be home with her, focusing solely on her instead of at work focusing on 5 kids, many of whom are much more demanding than madilyn. but then i feel bad that if i didn't work, i wouldn't be doing my part right now to get jeremy through school as we would have no income besides loans! so thats not an option either. its tough trying to do everything and finding a good balance for it all. at least you have family nearby to help make it a little easier. you know that he is in good hands and will help build meaningful relationships between all of you. its amazing though how i've seen now (after working with madilyn for more than a year) benefits that i never expected from having to work with her. it all works out. good luck!!
I know it's hard. You already mentioned two of the great benefits though: he probably will be an adaptable child (Camden, who Geri and my sister in law watched often during his first year was definiltey my easiest baby going to different people and new situations and not "velcro baby" with me, like Jack & Colby)...and I bet your family members will cherish this time with him too. Hang in there!
I still feel that way every August when i go back to school and mine is almost 4. It is really hard but knowing they are with loving family helps a lot. I wish you the best. Don't worry he will be great! The only problem is I think they get spoiled more being with family and so they find mom just boring.
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